Struggle

The first question of my friends would ask me after they notice I will be going for
working holiday @ Newzealand this coming November is : How about your boyfriend?

Yea, I am a girl with a boyfriend,
yet I am so selfish that I dump my boyfriend alone in KL and I go enjoy myself in Newzealand.
I think it should be the impression of them when they are asking me this question.

Actually I don't feel anything wrong at first as he is a guy that can take care of himself very well,
his life can be more easy without taking care of me and our relationship is like so stable
making me have the illusion that even if I am going to NZ for the whole year
he still have the ability to enjoy his life without me.

Not until the day I came back from Krabi and we talked about the issue.
He without any intention just beg me whether I can cancel my plan.
At that very moment, I am mad of him, he knows me well and when everything is settled
now he only ask me to stay? But why, why he didn't ask me earlier?
I told him I paid for the visa and I don't want to waste the money.

Obviously it is just an EXCUSE of a heartless girl.

Many times I told people, in a relationship we should be responsible for each other,
think for each other, but when it comes to me, I just want to keep the whole interest to myself.
I enjoy being his girlfriend, enjoy his pamper, enjoy his companion,
but I chose to leave him chasing my little dream now.

But it's too late for me to change my mind, I have wonder for this trip for so long and
 I don't want anything to be regret in my life.
I like to explore more, this could be the great chance that I certainly don't wanna miss up.
I am sorry to him.

Forgive my stubborn, forgive my naive.